


Never Raining Tears

by oly_chic



Category: Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Hurt No Comfort, Insecurity, Jealousy, Loneliness, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-07-02 11:10:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15795309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oly_chic/pseuds/oly_chic
Summary: Prowl reflects on what troubles him in his poly relationship with Jazz. If he were to put names to it, he might called it "loneliness" and "insecure."(This is in no way saying poly is bad, just like "bad mono" does not mean monogamy is bad)





	Never Raining Tears

**Author's Note:**

> I've been listening to a frick ton of Michael Bolton's "How Am I Supposed To Live Without You" and it birthed this.

Although he did not share it, Prowl thought there was a chance love was in his believed-cold spark. Every sight, warm thought, and positive feeling of his poly partner, Jazz, strengthened the pulsing of his spark. He himself was only with Jazz, but Jazz also had Blaster. How Prowl handled that varied, but he wished he could only feel happiness for the blessed nature of Jazz having two mechs in his life.

Prowl knew he should talk to Jazz about his growing negative feelings for everything about poly was built on transparency and communication. He was not entirely being either, but then he felt Jazz was the same. Jazz was far more often with Blaster than Prowl, or at least Prowl's tac-set was almost certain of that with the simulations of explanations always up running.

What needed to be communicated and transparent for Prowl was why Jazz was so rarely available outside of work. Prowl was piecing it together that Jazz was with Blaster and didn't want Prowl to know, and Prowl felt like it was almost an affair. How was Prowl piecing it together? Jazz was regularly slow to respond to messages, for one. That in itself might not be thought proof if it weren't for the fact Prowl knew Jazz gave his physically present partner all his attention, as Prowl could attest to the amazing times when he was with the saboteur. Besides that, every once in a while Jazz's messages would say "we" without any aforementioned name, and Jazz was not shy about dropping names of friends. One particular "we" dropped was when Jazz said "we're going to the beach" a few joors after Jazz declined a game with Prowl over necessary work.

Then Prowl "caught" him. Prowl politely called out Jazz when Jazz said "sorry for the delay" for one of those very slow messages and Prowl had asked if it were Blaster's regular orn with Jazz (Prowl deliberately didn't point out that they did not have a regular orn). The saboteur's response was to send a picture of Blaster working on his surround system, saying that he was thankful for Blaster but was happy to have a breem to talk while Blaster did the new system's hookup. Prowl didn't know what that meant, using a photo as if text wasn't enough. He didn't know about being squeezed into a free breem, where Jazz was breaking one of his rules to give Prowl some attention.

That wasn't the only thing bugging Prowl about Jazz's message. Why did Jazz call it a delay instead of saying what it was, him spending time with his other partner? Prowl didn't know, although the tac-set had some ideas, and he felt ill. It all pointed to that "affair" idea.

The only concern Prowl had voiced was that when Jazz was with Prowl that Jazz's and Blaster's relationship not have a negative impact on theirs. Was that the real reason why the first night Jazz spent over at Prowl's the saboteur left so early in the morning that he didn't get his morning energon? Jazz said errands but when Prowl had visited his brothers he discovered that Jazz had spent the orn with Blaster. Bluestreak suggested that Blaster gave Jazz the grounding Jazz sometimes needed to complete his errands, but that begged the question why wouldn't he ask Prowl for help? Prowl was known for getting things addressed.

Prowl had hoped to build more data but Jazz cancelled their second night due to a nasty helmache. Based on a photo Prowl found on Jazz's inter-base social media profile, Jazz spent the next day with Blaster, if the weather in the background matching that orn's sudden change of weather was anything to go by. He knew it was with Blaster because Jazz was wearing Blaster's gifted horn ornament.

Really, Prowl couldn't entirely blame Jazz. Jazz and Blaster were new and there was new relationship energy, but so were Jazz and Prowl. Difference was that Prowl finally got sent on an outside assignment two deca-orns into their relationship, and so Prowl went. Jazz and Prowl talked every orn when both were available for the next deca-orn and a half, but when Prowl came back he heard Jazz and Blaster saying "I love you." Even after dating for six deca-orns Jazz and Prowl had not said it. So who would Jazz pick to spend the majority of his free time with? The one who was clearly his primary partner, the one he loved. Prowl was an uninformed and unofficial secondary partner.

If it were truly love altering the pulses of his spark, then Prowl was certain Primus was cursing him for all the darkness already there from the war. He wished to cry but instead he sat quietly, cursed with the dark emptiness that dried up all his tears long ago, it leaving him despondent until he was eventually, hopefully, given the reprieve from it in Jazz's presence. A cursed addiction to an emotion he thought long dead, that was it.


End file.
